41 days

In exactly 41 days Jason and I will celebrate a special day. We will celebrate it not like we had originally hoped, but celebrate it none-the-less. On May 29th we will celebrate the due date of our first baby. Our first baby that never even got to live life on the outside. Even though we never got to hug or kiss or smell or sing to or snuggle our baby, we will celebrate it's life because, well, that sweet baby deserves a celebration.

We found out we were pregnant on September 17, 2011. I will NEVER forget that day- it was one of the best days of my life. I remember how we kept saying "no way!" and "really??" all while touching my belly. I remember how we instantly started talking about names, what he or she would look like, and how our lives were going change for the BETTER in just 9 short months. We couldn't wait to meet the baby that we had created. I took a test at 6 am because I woke up having to pee and couldn't wait another second. Here are some pictures from that special day. This is the first time we've shown them to anyone.


But then, on October 13th, we lost our first, perfect baby far too soon. That was the worst day of my life.

But for those 26 sweet days our baby made us the happiest people in the world. We love our baby and want the celebrate the life it had inside me. Some may find that silly, but we find it necessary. If we don't take the time to celebrate and remember, we could soon forget, and I REFUSE to forget my first child. Because that baby made me a mother, and Jason a father, and that cannot be taken away from us.

I've talked with Jason about wanting a tattoo in memory of our baby but I'm not sure if a tattoo is the right step for me. At this time we are in the process of finding the perfect way to celebrate our baby next month. Any ideas will be appreciated.